So, I close my eyes to old ends. And open my heart to new beginnings.
Another year has come and gone. 2017 you really outdid yourself, and not always in the most positive way. I can’t say that it holds the majority of my favourite memories, but I can say that it held some of my life’s greatest lessons.
As the year comes to a close I like to take the time to reflect on the good, the bad the ugly. To make plans, goals, and dreams for my future. Continue to eat all of the cookies and baked goods that I can manage (don’t tell my strength coach or nutritionist). And look ahead to my upcoming trip to the middle east as I head to Cairo, Egypt for my oldest childhood friends wedding. (I still can’t believe that is how I get to start the new year!)
When I think about how this year started, and how this year is about to end I find myself in a very similar position. Around this time last year I had made my decision to retire from the indoor game, and begin a new journey on the sand. I made plans to move, I was nearly through my shoulder recovery, and for the first time in a while I was genuinely excited to get back to the game that I fell in love with many many years before.
This year? Well this year I’m nearly through my knee recovery, I’m still giving it another go to get back to the game (someone be my partner please lol). The difference here is that I no longer choose to let the sport consume me.
For all of the joy that this game has given to me, all of the experiences the I have lived, the competitions I have played in, and the pain that I have endured I have decided that this will be my last attempt at getting back into the game on an international level. Should things go awry, or things simply not work out, I have decided that I will step away from the game in the capacity of an athlete.
The older I get, and the more I pursue other interests I have learnt that there are some things that have too much importance to continue to put on the back burner. Not saying this will be my reality, I hope it’s far from it, but I think it’s best for me to put those thoughts out into the universe to A, kick my ass into gear, and B, come to terms with the fact that this dream life of being an athlete will not last forever.
2017 you have helped me grow up in more ways than one, and for that I am grateful. I won’t miss you though, I’m happy to see you go, and I’m looking forward to a #newyearnewme, even though it’s always more like #newyearsameme because try as I might, I’m really bad at creating and sticking to new habits.
2017 I had big dreams for you. I had my sights set on some lofty goals, you were the year for me to burst back onto the volleyball scene in a brand new role, but you decided that the path was not right for me. You showed me that I needed to practice patience in order to appreciate what I have accomplished, believe in what I can accomplish, and find meaning in my everyday.
2017 you showed me the possibilities of my future. Though I met you with much resistance you continued to teach me that my identity is ever changing, never stagnant. You helped me see what my true strength really looks like. That no matter how difficult life gets, and how real the struggle can be, I have the ability to overcome the unthinkable.
For what 2016 did to crush my soul, 2017 you took the time to nourish my spirit, and bring back my sense of purpose. You were no cake with a cherry on top, but instead an upside down cake unable to hold it’s shape.
You were ugly. You were cruel. Yet you were a beautiful lesson in this little thing called life. So here's to you.
Happy New Year!!