Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.
- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
I get it.
My situation is less than favourable.
To be quite honest it's really shitty.
What are the odds?
After sharing the news about my knee with the public I had nothing but an outpouring of care and support coming from all over the world. Talk about making a girl feel loved! The messages lifted my spirits, and I felt overwhelmed by the amount of people that are willing to stand in my corner through the good and the bad. But, quite often there was one recurring theme in the messages that has caused me to take a moment to reflect.
"I don't know how you must be dealing with this, I would be absolutely crushed."
I hope I'm not sounding like an a**hole for pointing those words out, it's not that I don't appreciate the messages, it's just that these words continue to strike a cord with me. Because I have been crushed, and I have hit rock bottom in my athletic career, twice. But once you've reached that place the only way to go is up, so there's nothing else that I can be with my situation other than OK with it and passionate about moving forward. That, and I know that I am the best equipped person to deal with this setback so I am glad that it didn't happen to any other members in the centre.
When I found out that I would be needing to undergo yet another surgery to fix a torn ACL, after believing it was nothing close to that diagnoses I took it hard. I walked outside of the doctors office sat in a corner on the pavement called my mother and sobbed. Then I got up, took myself to the bus towards physio, called my father for a ride and I bawled. I managed to make it through a meeting with my physio for a more detailed explanation of my injury with just a few tears before calling my boyfriend in a bus stop and sobbing some more. And maybe the worst part of that whole experience was calling my coach and my partner to share the news, which broke my heart into it's final pieces to let down the team that I had worked so hard to become a part of.
(For the record I don't advise anyone to cry in public like I did)
Talk about prettyyyyy.
But, I haven't shed a single tear since then.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel humbled and excited.
(I know - who gets excited about an injury?)
After that day I picked myself up, like I continue to do now, and decided that I have only one option; to put my head down and get back to work like I have done every day in my athletic career.
For those of you wondering, I am not devastated, or destroyed. I am not depressed, nor am I distraught. I am not broken, I am simply injured. I'm not afraid to talk about what happened, and if you are curious I'm more than willing to share my experiences.
I will not push you away if you try to lend support or maybe don't know how to interact with me, I'll welcome you with open arms.
Two surgeries in less than a year, that was the hand that I was dealt, and that is an amazing mountain of an obstacle that I get to overcome. I consider myself extremely lucky for the 8 years of incredible volleyball that I was able to excel in, injury free. I consider myself blessed for the years I have been able to represent my country and for making every travel roster than I set my sights on when not everyone has that opportunity. To have travelled the world and played against my idols, my dreams have been fulfilled every step of the way. It is for these reasons I'm able to put everything into perspective, and approach this injury with clarity.
So, here I am laying in my bed like I have been for the last 9 days since surgery. Performing the same exercises every hour to try and improve the movement in my leg and prevent stiffness. Working hard to pick myself up and get back on my feet, literally. I've got some gnarly bruises, even better battle scars, and nothing short of a full heart.
Sorry volleyball world, but you can't get rid of me that easily.
Recovery 2.0 let's do this.
Cover photo by James Priolo of Priolo Photography.